Postpartum Depression Update

So I’m still stuck in the slums. It still takes everything in me to get out of bed to take care of my baby. But the day after I posted about the PPD I decided I’m going to go to the gym. Normally I would wait until Moses gets home because I’m intimidated of the gym. But you know what. I decided to get up throw on my clothes and just go. Didn’t think about it. Didn’t make excuses. I just went. And I felt so accomplished. By waiting to go to the gym at the end of the day you have ALL day to make up excuses to get yourself out of it. But at the beginning of the day it gives me motivation to do the smallest tasks. If I can accomplish something like going to the gym, I can do cloth diaper laundry. If I can go to the gym, I can get through another breastmilk pump session. If I could go to the gym, I CAN GET THROUGH THE DAY. don’t get me wrong. I still feel worthless most days. And feel like a robot stuck on repeat. But at least I have the proper energy to get through those repetitive tasks. I want to crawl out of this depression without a doctor. Without medication. And I think the gym is going to do this for me. I’m disgusted with my body after pregnancy. Even during pregnancy I didn’t take cute maternity pictures, shoot I could hardly look at myself in the mirror. I’m not saying the gym will wash away my feelings. But I will say that this is the start of dealing and sorting through them. I truly love my son. He is the reason I can make it to the next day. I just want to be the best mama I can for him. He doesn’t deserve half of me. He deserves all of me. I will get through this. One day at a time.

7 thoughts on “Postpartum Depression Update”

  1. Thats right one day at a time! I got through it without medication I did talk to someone but it took me almost a year before I opened up when I was in the worst of it I just leaned on my partner and even with him I didn’t open up about how I was feeling just that I still didn’t feel right and that I was so happy and so overwhelmed and paranoid that it was difficult…

  2. It’s one of the weirdest times I’ve ever gone through. Some days I’m happy some days I’m paranoid. It’s so weird. But you know what. I know so many women deal with this. If they can get through this, so can I. And you have really inspired me to talk to my partner about how I feel. And just opening up to him has taken a big weight off my shoulders. I hope that once your babe is born you don’t go through it again. Thank you for all your advice during this time. I truly appreciate it.

  3. Hi I’m new to your blog 🙂 I just wanted to say that I went through post partum with my first born as well. I was young and I knew I loved my baby so so much but at the time I was only 17. I “lost” all my friends, I couldnt party anymore and I felt like my body went to shit (it didnt) lol but it took me almost 2 years to get over it and really pull myself together. You got this!

  4. Thank you for sharing. Your such a strong mama 💪 so glad things got better for you. Everything that you just mentioned is exactly what I’m going through. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    And welcome to my blog !

  5. Thanks for sharing! have had a really tough time as well after our baby was born May 30. The anxiety and depression have been paralyzing at times. One day at a time! We will get through this.

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