We Made It !

We made it to California ! It’s been the craziest, most wild, patience testing journey that I’ve been through. And although the financial part isn’t completely over yet, at least we are here and mostly unpacked and settled into our new place.

It’s kind of sad that we have moved so often that we have a method to moving. As the guys are unpacking the uhaul I’m unpacking boxes and putting things away as they come into the house so it doesn’t drag on for days. You know that feeling of your walls closing in on you ? That’s the feeling I get if I just let boxes sit around. So instead I try to organize as we go. We also keep a minimal amount of items so aren’t just hauling around junk. Everything has a purpose and a place in our house. I like to keep everything super organized so that if someone needs something they will know exactly where to look and it will be there every time. Call me crazy but this is just how I like to keep our home. I have a feeling the more kids we have the less likely it will be to keep things this clean and organized.

The journey from Washington to California was a hard one. Being that we had a 6 month old baby, my mom, myself, Moses, and his brother in law, you would think it would’ve been easy. But in reality it wasn’t. My mom and I don’t see eye to eye. Actually she doesn’t even know me. She was the type of person who flew out to “help” to make it seem like to her friends that she was doing “all this work” to help me. When in reality she was on her phone the whole time and didn’t truly help me the way I thought I was going to get help. Then she secretly had a “date” the day we came back to California so the day we needed her the most she bailed on me. I was truly disappointed. But am I really surprised ? No not really. This is very normal behavior for my mom.

Aside from all that drama I’m still super thankful for all the help we did receive. Moses brother in law was so helpful. Without him we couldn’t have made this trip possible. We had a lot of family members help behind the scenes financially and for that we’re grateful. The Facebook Donation Page helped us out a TON ! so thank you to everyone who helped us there. So there is still a lot to be positive and grateful for.

I guess at the end of the day I’m not disappointed in my mom bailing on us. I’m more disappointed that I don’t ever get to see the REAL side of my mom. She’s more interested in her social life than her kids most of the time. She says she loves her kids. But I don’t FEEL her love. She doesn’t genuinely just talk to me or have conversations with me. All a child wants is their mother’s love. That’s it. Maybe one day she will realize that all we want is her time. That’s it.

1 Week Until Our Big Move

7 more days until our big move. This exact time next week we will be on the road back to California. Which is stressful and so relieving at the same time. For the last three days I’ve woke up shaking and sweating due to anxiety about this whole thing. Yesterday I looked at our bank account and we have spent over $8000 (and counting) in expenses. Between two trips from Washington to California for the memorial service for Moses Dad to the lease break fee to rent for September to Rent and Deposit for October in our new place to maintaining our normal bills all in between. It’s been an INSANE roller coaster. But some positive news to all this is…. I keep a very clean house so over this weekend Moses and I got our whole house packed up. Which is also a double edged sword because now for this next week I have to sit here and look all these boxes and my nervousness just heightens. But I’m still so thankful that our house was super easy to pack. There wasn’t any trash to sort through and everything I keep has a purpose and place, so packing truly was so easy. My mom and Moses brother in law are flying up to help us move. Which we are so fortunate for because Moses and I will be driving separately. He will be driving the Uhaul and I will be driving with the baby so I will need help with Zethus and Moses will need someone to keep him company and to switch off driving once in a while. All in all things seem to be moving forward. My stomach is still in knots about the whole financial aspect of everything. I still have my donation page up on Facebook because without that page I truly don’t know how we could’ve made this move happen. I again would like to thank each person who has donated. I know we all go through things in life but to help someone when they are truly down takes kindness. So thank you for everyone’s generosity. We still have about $1000 more we need to raise to be “safe” but at this point, anything helps. So I will link the donation page below. Thank you !


10 More Days

We have 10 more days until we move states from Washington to California. Before we had 6 months to plan for an out of state move however with Moses dad passing recently we only had 20 days to make this happen. We have received an overwhelming amount of donations however we are only about at half of what’s needed to make this move happen. I’m so grateful for all our family and friends for opening their hearts to us during this time. This fundraiser has truly been a humbling experience and has taught that even the strongest of people have to surrender and ask for help at some point. We are doing everything we can behind the scenes to earn money as well. However we still need a little more help. I’ve put the link up on my Instagram but I’m going to put it here as well. Thank you so much for everyone’s generosity ♥️♥️♥️


Breastfeeding and Heartbroken

At about 2 months I stopped breastfeeding and became an exclusive pumper due to my little one having a reflux problem (he’s 6 months now). So every time we breastfed he would instantly throw everything he just drank up. And not just a little spit up. It would be EVERYTHING. That’s when I started pumping into bottles and adding rice cereal to thicken the milk up a bit and he was able to keep everything down. I’ve noticed lately he’s hardly throwing up so I thought, “let’s give this whole breastfeeding thing a shot.” Today we tried to breastfeed. And he’s not interested one bit. It seems like he forgot how to latch. And the one time I got my nipple into his mouth he just chewed on it because he’s teething. I’m just really heartbroken. Like I should’ve never given up in the first place. Like I don’t deserve to breastfeed like everyone else. Where did I go wrong ? Why is this happening to us ? I mean I’m still blessed because I still make a ton of milk. But I feel like a machine constantly pumping. I want to feel that bond that I see other mothers having with their baby. I guess my breastfeeding journey is over and that’s hard to come to terms with.

Cloth Wipes

Okay let’s talk about cloth wipes. As you all know I cloth diaper my little kiddo. And I’m about 6 months in and LOVING it. I’ve almost found myself being a cloth diaper advocate. Cloth diapering is so much fun, easy, AND you save a ton of money. So far I have only invested maybe $150 into my stash and I’m 6 months in. Which in 6 months has totally paid for itself multiple times. By now I would be knee deep in dirty disposable diapers. My water bill has only gone up $5 a month and I line dry my diaper laundry so I’m not using the dryer as much as you think I am. But I decided I wanted to take this whole cloth wipe thing a step further.

Cloth wipes are not just for babies who are cloth diapering. However once I started cloth diapering I became so much more aware of the waste that comes out of my household alone. I got to thinking if my baby uses cloth wipes, why can’t I ? I’m home all day (stay at home mom) and the amount of toilet paper I used during my pregnancy was UNREAL due to always having to pee. So I decided to apply the cloth wipes to my own life. I mean I’m already doing diaper laundry each day, what’s a few more wipes in the laundry from mom ? My diaper pail is kept in the bathroom anyway so that when I spray a poopy diaper the pail is right there. So instead of using toilet paper each time I pee, I use a cloth wipe. Which in all honesty is so much more comfortable than toilet paper. Have you ever had toilet paper crumble on you or tear while your using it. Also you can wet the cloth wipe and now it doubles as a wet wipe to make you feel extra clean. As far as taking a number #2 I use toilet paper for the first initial wipe then I use a wet cloth wipe to finish the job. I know it sounds gross. But it’s really not. Like I said before if your already doing diaper laundry why not throw your wipes in there as well.

As far as saving money. We have only bought a 12 pack of toilet paper once in the last six months. That’s it. And that’s only because I haven’t convinced Moses to fully turn to cloth wipes yet. But just imagine ! In my dad’s house there was 8 of us! Imagine all the money he would’ve saved in toilet paper. I remember going to Sam’s Club and buying two giant packs of toilet paper for one month. That’s so expensive and SO. MUCH. WASTE. Even if you don’t fully commit to cloth wipes and only use them when you pee, your still saving so much money and so much waste from going down the toilets !

Just think about it 🤔 and try it before you judge.

Life Update: What’s Really Going On With Us?

Ok here’s the deets ! I just filmed a video explaining what’s really going on with us. I’m very vulnerable in this video so please be kind. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions these past few weeks and it’s only September 9th. We have until October 1st until our big move and even then anyone who moves states know it doesn’t just end after the day you move. You still have to maintain your bills during all this. Life doesn’t stop with a baby so keeping up with him during all this. Some days I feel like I can’t breathe. And when I do finally come up for air it feels like I’m gasping and can’t think straight.

But to stay positive: it could always be worse. I’m still thankful for everyone and everything in my life. I’m just trying to stay calm each day.

Meanwhile check out the life Update video below !


Mom shaming

What’s the point of mom shaming ? Why are moms constantly at war with each other over differences in the way we choose to parent our children. Just because you choose one way to do things or I choose another way to do things doesn’t mean either of us are wrong.

Being a new parent is hard enough. So much information is constantly shoved down our throats by family, friends, doctors, midwives, THE INTERNET (lol, because most of us get all our info from binge watching YouTube videos. I’m definitely guilty of that one) you notice all of the advice we are given all conflicts with each other. Being pregnant is hard enough let alone sorting through all the information.

Then, all of a sudden before you know it, your baby is here. And all the information you spent all this time sorting through kind of goes out the window and your mama instincts kick in and you all of a sudden kind of just know what to do. It’s the weirdest feeling isn’t it ?

If you really take a step back you will notice that every mom has a common theme, we do the best we can to give our babies the best lives we can. That’s it. No matter what path we choose to go down we go down that path with love. All we want is for our babies to feel loved and to be healthy. So why make a mom feel guilty for the decisions she has chosen ? What do you personally gain from that ? I cloth diaper. But I don’t tear down moms who choose disposable diapers…. if that works for your family, so be it. My saying is, “do what works for your family.” What works for you and your child, might not work for mine.

Which brings me to this next thought. I took my baby to his WIC appointment and the lady goes, “oh wow he’s finally gaining weight, he’s in the 10th percentile for his age.” I said, “I’m sorry? Should I be shoving food down his throat to make him gain more ? Because if I did next thing you know you will tell me he’s obese??” I know that sounds snappy but there is no such thing as a cookie cutter baby. Every single baby is different. Every pregnancy is different. It bugged me so bad when they would weigh me at my OBGYN appointments and said I’m gaining too much for where I’m at in my pregnancy… like I’m sorry I’m not shoving food down, I don’t know why I’m gaining so much? Once I switched to a midwife I was much happier. But the point is, each journey will be different. Let’s be kind to one another. Let’s reroute our time and effort we put into judging other mamas and their decisions to giving our babies more love and cuddles. Because we all know time flies. No one has time for negativity.

Meanwhile here’s a picture of Zethus with his twin cousins. ♥️

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